From a biblical and theistic perspective, we understand that this longing is really something that is God-given (Eccl. 3:11). “When God wants to carry a point with his children,” Emerson said, “He plants his arguments into the instincts.” We each carry this desire, this nostalgia for heaven. It’s an instinct for a place we have not yet seen. We don’t have any memories of heaven, yet we long for it. And we realize that the great joys and pleasures of this life are only hints of home, “‘patches of godlight’ in the woods of our experience” as Lewis called them. There are little patches here and there, but they’re not meant to be confused for home. They are not the thing itself; they point beyond themselves, like signs, to the thing we long for.

As pilgrims, aliens and strangers in this world, we must realize that we long for something this world cannot provide or sustain. Once you admit that, then you will understand that the most foolish thing we can do is put all the freight of our desires upon a world that was not designed to sustain them. If you look to the world for fulfillment, it will let you down every time. There is always something that is not quite enough, and we long for more. We long for a security, a significance, a satisfaction that this world simply cannot provide.

Jesus knew this. That’s why Paul writes,

Your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!

For the past 5 months, I’ve been in a season of wilderness—a desolate place where I was lost, confused, broken, bitter, angry and obsessed with my old self.  A place that I thought offered no hope to the weariness in my heart.  

I. was. wrong.

He found me there. He led me into His embrace.  He jumped for joy when I got there.  And all that time, He was loving me.  My daddy, my graceful, merciful, wonderful Bridegroom.  There is so much of me that is still being refined, reshaped, reworked, remade, renewed and that needs to be crucified EVERYDAY, but He is SO FAITHFUL.  He taught me to praise Him in the wilderness, to sing to Him, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much I cried and struggled in the process.  He gave and took away.  Everything that I had relied on to barely get by, He took it away.  He was stripping me of everything I once loved and relied on so deeply.  Because He was jealous for me.  And I felt that burning jealousy but I refused to listen to it so many times.  I refused to buckle under His command because I was an independent woman who grew up from hardship and knew how to take care of things on her own.  

I. was. wrong.

He took me back to my past and revealed ugly, tarnished, hateful things that I shoved into the corner of my black heart.  Then He poured His healing over me and asked me to quiet my soul to listen to the Spirit.  I had nothing to do but obey and listen.  I heard two things: 1.  I love you more than anything and 2. You love me because I first loved you.  He was right.  He was right.  He shook me to life again.  I would wake up everyday feeling like there wasn’t a point to living, like I was wasting this life and body.  Then I would put on a worship song and let that be the prayer of my day.  In that moment I would offer up to Him my burdens and crucify myself, and the rest was peace.  

Why am I saying all this ?  I want to let everyone know that despite being away from the community of believers that I once so devoutly poured my time into, God is faithful.  I want to encourage those that are still in the wilderness.  I want to say, yeah i’m dating and i’m having a hell of a time learning all the AWESOME and WONDERFUL things He has to teach me through my relationship.  And I want to say that no matter how important a community of believers is, nothing will satisfy like the blood of Jesus.  Nothing.  Not a ministry, not a lover, not money, not stability, not intelligence, not family, not ANYTHING.  Are you living a life worthy of the gospel ?

In the journey of finding myself, I found so many other things about life, God, and other people.  This summer is changing my views and expectations about everything.

SELLING MY 16GIG WIFI+3G IPAD THAT I GOT FOR $800 TOTAL ! give me an offer. comes with magnetic cover, case, charger. 

so, i need some help with something. i need advice about what mic to buy for recording. i’m looking into the mxl 900 for starters. HELP ME OUT GUYS (:

i need a doctor to bring me back to life.

where are You, God ?

I’m reading a book called Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot (such a good read, definitely recommend it if you’re serious about your passion and purity) and I had some food for thought:

God is timeless. He is steadfast and unchanging regardless of shifts in customs, cultures, practices, anything that is considered contemporary for that matter.

Because at the end of the day, circumstances have no say in the fact that he made us His children, ones required to be holy and blameless on the day of redemption, on judgement day.

I’m feeling scared, but joyful.

Goodnight.

Is this what I have with the Lord ?

A love so delicious and divine that I would give everything, lay it down at the foot of the cross, and pursue that love for Him ?  Soon, I will answer yes.  Right now, God is letting me be broken and renewed before Him.  For when I offer my broken pieces to God, He can use them to feed multitudes, while one loaf will feed only one man.

Help me to know You that I may love You in truth and Spirit.

And where could i find a better Father than the One in heaven above, the One in all my circumstances, and the One in my heart ?

I love you Lord, Father of all creation.

Happy Father’s Day

today was an interesting day. i drove to la for something important but in the end i just learned that God is more important. He always does that to me. i think He enjoys when i enjoy Him. He’s that good. 

I came to His sanctuary today and let me tell you, it’d been a while since i’d been there last. i forgot to leave the candles lit on my way out and i guess i lost my way around, but He led me there again nonetheless. He’s so good. I rested in Him today.

ahhhh, i can feel summer’s promises already beginning to stir.